Painful Confession From the Queen of Denial

The time has come for me to give up my throne as the Queen of Denial and make a painful and public confession.

Last few weeks I've been going through some rough patches with my health and mental being.

Let me take you back to December 2008 when it all started.

After weeks of not feeling well Average Joe took me kicking and screaming yes that's the way I roll to our family doctor.


The diagnosis...pre-diabetic.

The game plan according to my doctor...medication and a promise to keep away from stress and take care of myself.

When the reality set in...anger, frustration, feeling sorry for myself and tears.

My game plan...I will do anything to stay away from diagnosis DIABETES.

Guess what? Life decided to play a cruel game of life with me and next two years I went to hell don't believe the sales pitch it's not like living in Hawaii and back:

• Average Joe lost his job - our only income at that time
• Hormone Boy was hospitalized for three months due to complications with Type 1 diabetes
• Our puppy Soda died in my arms during an epileptic seizure on Christmas morning
• Hormone Boy tested positive for Cystic Fibrosis and we waited for a month to be tested again at the Children's Hospital. The second test came out negative
• Average Joe couldn't find a job for 13 months. He sent out over 500 resumes. He was hired three times and the company went out of business or finished the project before he started his job
• I started a day care for extra income. Two months later the largest employer in our town shut its doors forever and I lost 50% of my children
• First time in my life I was taken to collection by a credit card company CIBC and had to deal with ruthless, uncaring and lying collection agents
• First time in my life I had to ask my parents to help me pay my bills by food for my kids and medications for my son. I think this was the hardest part of it all
• My sister was diagnosed bipolar
• My father was diagnosed with severe mental depression and is showing signs of Alzheimer's
• My little nephew I help to take care of was diagnosed with autism, ADHD and Tourette's syndrome
• Hormone Boy was misdiagnosed with ADHD and was taking unnecessary ADHD medication for a last five years

I don't want to bore you with more details of my last two years there is much more, but to make a long story short taking care of myself was the last thing on my mind....... until....

Few months ago I started feeling really weird...weak, sleepy, tired, depressed not into blogging. Then my body cranked it up a few notches.

My arms were tingling. My legs were falling asleep and getting numb. My feet were burning for no reason at all.

I knew something was wrong and I had a feeling that I'm no longer prediabetic. I had a feeling that two years of stress and personal neglect were catching up with me.

What did I do? I decided to keep it a secret and continue living in denial.

Two weeks ago my condition was so bad that I could not get out of my bed so of course I needed to face the reality and confess to my family.

Simple blood glucose test showed that my sugar levels were triple what they are supposed to be. Ketone test showed that my body was full of ketones...... yes, I was pretty sure that the pre-diabetes ship has sailed and I managed to get a free upgrade to full-blown diabetes.

According to my doctor and this is my personal version my pancreas got pissed at me and decided to teach me a lesson. My pancreas got tired of waiting for me to take care of myself and quit on me.

Right now I am very upset that my pancreas let me down and decided to quit on me, but I guess I had it coming. I should have known that I am not one of those people who keep abusing their bodies for years and years and yet their internal organs keep working.

So here I am confessing to you all and trying to come to terms with my new diagnosis Type 2 Diabetes.

One more thing...... after I started my new medication and decided to change my lifestyle life decided to take one more shot....... on Wednesday I woke up with terrible pain in my right leg. The pain was so unbearable that trip to an emergency was inevitable.

Now I'm sitting here hardly still with pain on heavy medication trying to get over a case of a very bad SCIATICA trying to stay POSITIVE and STRESS FREE.

The bottom line is....... I am done with DENIAL..... I am ready to take charge of MY life when I can walk again and I am ready to continue blogging and being ME!