My oldest son is turning 13 this Sunday.
Yes, in 7 short days I will become a mom of a teenage boy.
HB has been torturing preparing me for this day last few months. His ever changing attitudes, his " I Am So Cool" walk, his squeaky voice, his daily use of Proactiv and all those little things that make him a TEEN.
Am I ready? NO! Are any of us ever ready to let our wonderful sweet children turn into obnoxious know it all wanna-be adults?
Yes, I am prepared for few years of "not liking" my son on certain days. I am fine with that.
I know that the day will come that he turns into an adult and we will like each other again.
For now I will deal with moods, attitudes, being accused of not understanding,meltdowns, first love, heartbreaks, peer pressure.
I will be there to guide from distance after all I am still the Puppet Master dance puppet,dance.
I will be there to listen and hug tight.
I will be there to watch my baby boy become a strong, smart, handsome, caring and giving MAN.
This brings me to a conversation I had with with some of my friends recently.
Does it make you a hypocrite to tell your children not to do things you have done or punish them for it without confessing and explaining why it was wrong? Why you wish you would listen to your parents?
Most of my friends including Mr. Misery did things in their youth they wish they haven't and things they are not very proud of. Some of them were illegal things, some were nasty things and some were just plain stupid what were you thinking and you should thank your lucky stars you are still alive things.
What do you do?
You want to protect your kids from making the same mistakes and from getting hurt.At the same time you don't want your kids to know the whole truth for two reasons.
First, they don't need any more ideas on how to be stupid and irresponsible.
Second, you don't want them to look at you differently because you used to be stupid and irresponsible.
You can see my dilema.
Mr. Misery was not the best boy growing up and he did some things that he's not proud of. He also did lots of things stupid and irresponsible he's very proud of and likes to brag about to his friends....yes, we were so COOL back then. Things that HB would get grounded for till he's 50.
As for myself I always though I was so boring and so uncool. I was the "good girl".
I never smoked once for 2 weeks trying to be cool , I never got drunk, I never used or tried any drugs, I never partied hard, I didn't swear, I didn't do anything fun and exciting to put my life in danger.
I was boring and apparently without a life.
Maybe I missed out on lots of experiences and fun, but it was all worth it. I didn't know it then, but now life is making it up to me.......I can punish my sons without any guilt or double standards.....Oh, yeah victory is mine..who's uncool now?
As for Mr.Misery.......I wouldn't wanna be in his shoes for next few years and knowing his past we need to keep few stupid and irresponsible things on down-low.Luckily, he turned out just fine.
Looks like I will be the bad cop in this household for next few years.
Btw, I found my groove did few stupid things few years ago and I can safely say I am one COOL mom now.
So, hold on tight it will be a bumpy ride.
18 comments:
Oh, you poor doll. I'm feeling you.
It happened quick, didn't it?
This is a tough call. We initially told B: "Do as we say not as we do" until we realized that we raised a pretty focused and decent young man who makes good decisions. He's had a few mishaps -- it happens, but overall, he is one of accountability and lessons learned all on his own.
LP will no doubt be the same. You have guided him well.
Stay strong and keep a bottle of wine handy for yourself for cheap medicinal purposes, of course.
Congratulations on this big event in your lives -- keep us all posted.
Peace and serenity,
~Jo
'The End Of The Rainbow: Life After Bankruptcy'
13??? a teenager! crazy! I can't even imagine. I was a pretty good girl too, I can safely ground the boys without guilt!
but I hear boys are so much easier than girls at this age....if that's any consolation.
Your hard work will be all worth it when he does, indeed, grow into that fine young man you helped to mold and shape.
Hope you both enjoy his birthday.
Welcome to the world of parenting teenagers! If it helps, my son started his teenage years knowing everything (especially how un-cool I was!) but he outgrew it fairly soon. At nineteen he truly a joy to be around.
As far as telling them what you did, my dad told me his stories and the fact that he admitted that he screwed up made me respect him more. As long as you tell him that you love him and don't want anything bad to happen to him, things will probably turn out better than you expect. You are a great and loving mom, he'll make some mistakes, but your guidance will get him through.
Men are allowed to have shady pasts. If a woman does, she's basically slutty. (lucky you that you were Polly Purity. Some of us, not so much.) Nonetheless, I say admit to nothing. What they don't know won't hurt them. I didn't tell my parents and I didn't tell my daughter, and I didn't tell "everything" to my husband. God knows and that's all that needs to know. ;o)
You can see I'm probably not going to be writing advice on parenting any time soon. But I made it through with a daughter that was much straighter and sweeter than I was (unless she didn't tell me everything). ooohhh....
At least he's a boy...I pray I have all boys :) jk! You'll get through it, almost everyone does ;)
I'm sor worried about the day when my two will be teenagers. Yikes! It sounds like you are prepared and that you will be able to explain and discipline sensibly. Good luck! I hope he turns out to be a sweetheart and it's all a walk in the park!
I didn't really do anything bad growing up either (other than ditching most of my high school year). But if my kids can still get almost straight A's and be ditching school all the time, I'm okay with that!
Happy Birthday to your TEEN! My nephew turned 13 in November, and his voice is cracking like crazy...I try not to giggle each time, but it's hard!
In this situation, I'm glad that both my husband and I were total geeks growing up and didn't do anything when we were younger. Only in this situation haha.
Hang in there Mama!
Happy early birthday to your son! It's not terribly bad the teenage years and you can still sneak in some hugs, too. :0)
p.s. You were the second one to say the teeth at my joke post scared you. ha, ha.
Oh Happy b-Day..Woo Hoo. your in for a ride..Lolol...Just kidding...its fun time now..!! i told my kids things about mine and hubs past as they became necessary or appropriate...I don't really have any secrets from them, but all in due time...and yes I felt it necessary to punish and/or ground because their life circumstances are far different from ours and we parent much different then ours did...I hope you all have a wonderful BDay celebration..!!
Happy early birthday to your son! I know sounds crazy but when I imagine my son's teenage years, kinda makes me excited. I think it 's not that bad!
At least you have one Bad Cop in the house. My husband and I were both wild so I guess we're going to have to lie or something. Good luck! I'm sure you'll all come through this just fine.
Yikes! A teenager! I was a really good girl, and so was my hubby, so we are sort of off the hook there, but really I do not think the kids need to know everything.
Between my husband and I, I'm the one who did stupid, careless things. I don't know if I want my children to know the entire truth about everything but then I'd kinda feel like a hypocrite if I'm punishing them for something I once did.
I dunno...it's a difficult topic. I guess we all will cross that bridge when we come to it.
Honestly, it sounds like your son has a good head on his shoulders...chances are he'll make good choices that you'll be proud of.
13!! Wow.
As for how much to tell your kids about past wrongs...I dunno. I wonder about this myself. Is it better to tell what I did (or my husband) and what happened to us? Sometimes I think yes and then other times not. Lucky for me I have a few years to figure it out.
We don't have full disclosure in our family. But for the most part neither the father or the mother did anything really bad. We were both the good kids in our families.
I'm in the "separation" phase with my teen. He's at the age that he doesn't want to do anything with the family and he's rejecting a lot of what we believe because he wants to find his own identity.
Be prepared to not only dislike your teens, but to be heartbroken by them too. However, if they didn't go through this state we wouldn't be ready for them to leave home.
Hubs and I were both more like your hubs growing up and oddly we got 3 out of 3 great kids who don't get into trouble. Not sure how that happened. We let them make their own decisions for the most part. I think when they have the tools they'll learn to use them. It's hard to watch sometimes though, lol
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