I try very hard to keep positive and moving forward to my Happiness.
I know I came a long way in last 5 months, but I though I would be happier for myself and for my family.
I am no longer depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I know what I want and I know I will get it, but .....
There it is....the big, ugly BUT. I hate buts and I am doing everything in my power not to say it or think it.
Lately I've been doubting myself. I feel overwhelmed and worried about meeting my goals.
Mr. Misery keeps telling me how great I am doing and how proud he is of the work I've been doing with taking care of the boys and the house, living on the budget, dealing with the bills, writing and following my goals.
So WHY am I not floating on a cloud? Why do I feel so weird?
I'll tell you why, my friends.
I have a feeling my worst nightmare came through.
I have a feeling I started my MENOPAUSE.
I just turned 40 and according to my mother all women in my family were "blessed" with early Menopause.
Don't you just love the timing of Mother Nature? I have a feeling Father Time has something to do with it!
Mr. Misery is home 3-4 days a month. My oldest child is turning 13 in a few weeks and my youngest child is in million activities. I just started getting my life back together. I set new goals that can't handle thinking and doings of crazy Menopausal woman.
Life finally started to be my OYSTER , again. I can not be going through MENOPAUSE right now.
Can you say "mental breakdown"? I can.
This is how I've been feeling last few weeks:
- no visit from aunt Flow since December - the only good part if you ask me
- high metabolism and rush of Adrenalin when you least expect it - having Thyroid condition I feel like bulldog on crack most of the day lately
- weird food cravings ending in not eating or food binges - yesterday diet consisted of poutine, honey garlic chicken wings, DQ dilly bar and blood oranges - I feel so healthy
- mood swings - my kids are starting to get really scared and Mr.Misery is not here to protect them or act like a buffer - it's getting ugly
- talking like I just finished 10 year vow of silence - shut me up, please. I can't even listen to myself anymore and being home alone all day I am my only audience.I need to get out of the house more often, but who would wanna listen to blabbering idiot
- overwhelmed by everything - Mr. Misery forbid me to open my laptop on Sundays in a fear of my mental breakdown trying to keep up with blogging and commenting
and of course as Katy Perry would say:
You're Yes then you're No
You're In then you're Out
You're Up then you're Down"
That's about sums up my life right there. Yes, I am becoming a circus freak and my children will be able to charge admission to the neighborhood children to show them The Crazy Lady they used to call "mommy".
So later this morning I will visit my dear doctor and ask him to take some of my blood and confirm my worst nightmare.
Wait a minute, my worst nightmare would be him telling me that I am NOT going through Menopause. That would mean I am just becoming Neighborhood Freak. I guess every good neighborhood needs one, right?
Might as well be ME.
39 comments:
My mom, and my grandmother, both went through early menopause. I will be 40 in August. Frankly, I've never considered that some of my issues are pre-menopausal. I consider it when I have hot flashes, when I have a huge mood swing. Now, I've got myself wondering if there might not be other signs too. Hmmmmm.
Maybe that's why I don't recognize myself anymore.
You will survive...women throughout the millenia have! We can share this experience together as I'm in the beginning stages myself. For me it's being very, very forgetful.
That's kind of how I've been feeling too. I thought it was late stages of cabin fever, but menopause . . . please God NO.
I am wondering if I am going through it, too. I turned 39 in January. Having hot flashes, mood swings, the ups and downs. I should probably get some feedback from my Mom.
So it would seem, my dear friend, that you are totally normal! Any of us can go through early menopause. Just a part of life. We are women! We are strong! We will survive it!
Wow.. that does seem young...I have not yet so I dont have any advice except that I am going to get Suzanne Sommers book..I dont know the name... but it is about how to personalize your peri and menopause journey to live life to the fullest..so many have done what she suggests..Oprah, Rosie, and many others ..so I want to get prepared ..maybe this can help you too..Good luck at the Dr's
I turned 60 last May. This Christmas marked my freedom from all HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and my dyed hair. It's a totally new me, not one I recognize in the mirror, but new nontheless. Those inbetween years of perimenopausal whatever, supported by HRT, were the best years ever for me. I never was too stable before then and it's pretty flat now. These days there are on offer lots of alternative, organic, bioidentical hormone replacements that you could try. For me, the sleep issue seems to be my biggest concern. Good luck with it. Remember Archie Bunker telling Edith she had 8 hours to just "get over it"??? :)
(I'm NOT so sure I'd go with any treatment or therapy that Rosie O'Donnell is going through. She's one effed up lady--and mean too.)
I've gone through menopause and lived to tell about it, but I can't remember enough to help you. (a little joke about forgetfulnes...)
I've had all of your symptoms most of my life so menopause wasn't that unusual for me except for the hot flashes. I still take HRT because I'm really nutso without it. I don't care what it does to my body. My mind is a terrible thing to waste and I'm hangin' on for dear life. Yes, my neighbors just ignore me and shake their heads. At least their kids don't set foot on my yard.
The doctor will help you; however, if you can go to a woman dr. it would be better. Men understand zippo about mp except for the sterile symptoms they read about in medical journals.
You will survive, yes. But it ain't all pretty, lady. Hang on! I guess God knew what he was doing when he made women go through child birth and menopause. Men would die just while reading about the feelings and manifestations written about in this blog.
Write about it and keep us informed. That will help. Vent, eat, cry, swear, vent...repeat every hour.
Hey - maybe you are pregnant?!
I have my period today and it is killing me, so right now I would take being a Crazy Lady over The Flow!
Oh boy! or maybe girl :) totally kidding..just saw The Girl Next Door Grow's Up post. I feel for you. Pippi
I am no expert and I'm not there yet, but I've never heard that excessive talking was a sign of menopause.
What about hot flashes or sleep disturbances? I remember my mom telling me that is how she knew she was going through the big M.
Oh no!!! So much to look forward to with menopause. UGH!!!
40 does seem young to be going through menopause. I've never really thought about how I would feel when I go through it.
Is menopause really your worst fear? You could be like those women that think they're menopausal but are really pregnant! That would be really crazy.
Oh hon, I feel your pain. I really really do! I had a hysterectomy at 25, which nobody bothered to tell me would throw me straight into menopause and it was a went to the Dr on Friday, hysterectomy on Tuesday kind of thing. I had no real time to do research so when the hotflashes, cold sweats, and moods came along I thought I was going insane. Here 6 years later I am still in menopause because apparently your body will do it until it was "supposed" to. So to top it all off I am also bipolar...can you imagine what my life is like, not for me but for the kiddy's and hubby. Hectic, crazy and unpredictable starts to describe it.
I hope all goes well for you at the Dr's.
WOW...that is early but if it is in the family it mayy be knocking on your door.
don't laugh at this one but when my mom went through it there were some strange things going on with her and there still is cause she is still going through it. she says that every woman is different and that there was a light at the end of the tunnel....no more monthly cycles to deal with.
good luck Bibi but I know you will take this with a grain of salt just like you do everything else.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you get through this phase quickly and are feeling more like yourself soon. Keep your chin up, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will get back to basics soon.
Have you taken a preg. test. Sounds like it might be those hormones.
Bulldog on crack! That is too funny!
You crack me up!
You could tweet out your frustrations too.
You are preaching to the choir. Welcome to the club.
Oh man, so sorry to hear that. How did things go? I hope everything is cool. I will be thinking of you!
p.s. It's not so bad to be the neighborhood freak... (Just kidding)
You. Are. Awesome.
I loved this post. I'm not in the menopause stage of this hormone nightmare that exists between puberty and menopause, but I can relate to so many things on that list anyway.
And I can't say enough how much I love that you mentioned Dilly Bars. I haven't had one since I was a kid.
Thanks for your sweet comments on my blog. It is a struggle to think of my hubby being gone for so long. But I have a great support group.
I hope you feel better!!!
I can sympathize!
Stopping by from Friday Follow to say Hi! I already follow and hope you are having great week!
Your menopausal symptoms sound alot like pregnancy symptoms!
I am starting to enter that phase of life also, and I am turning 40 in a few months, so we can share posts about our hot flashes!
Shelly at Tropical Mum
Just stopped by from the Friday Follower McLinky thingie. What a fun blog! I just signed up to follow, and I'll definitely be back! :)
Yikes! I hope it does not get too unbearable for you, things sound really overwhelming right now. Hang in there!
Stopping by from Friday Follow! I am now a new follower!
Hello Mr. Misery, meet Mr. Denial. Mr. Denial has been living with me for about 6 months now. I'm only 35, but I lost an ovary during my last pg, so I'm thinking that this is the peri-nasty I'm dealing with. The Katy Perry song is SPOT ON.
Thanks for the laugh. You're not alone.
(Today is my first Friday Follow! So glad to have stumbled here today!)
I thought I was going through Menopause because of some similar issues. I had the bloodwork done and my dr. told me I'm just crazy. Niiiice.
You were right ahead of me at SITS, so I am over to comment.
Girl, I hear you. I'm not quite there yet - but believe me we all have those moments when we feel overwhelmend and question our sanity.
Keep up the venting - smiling - and looking up. Things will settle down - and you will find your groove once again!
Oh man, big hugs mama! I hope menopause takes it easy on you.
Stopping by from SITS :)
Feel free to stop by my site today - it's the day to gripe anonymously! :)
~Dionna @ Code Name: Mama
http://codenamemama.com
May God continue to bless you! I love this blog! Happy Friday Follow!
http://blessingsonsavings.blogspot.com/
I am your newest follower from Friday follow! Please feel free to follow me! http://gigglingkids.blogspot.com
I love the cartoon. Last night the winds where gusting and it was 40 degrees Fahrenheit. My husband is talking about turning up the heat and I'm thinking about opening up the windows.
I am trying to ignore these things...I can see it coming..I just had a talk with my doctor. She said most of my symptoms were just a sign of getting older...yippeee!
I WAS wishing for early menopause previously, then I could stop obsessing over whether this could be THE month.
Now, not so much! Hope things get better for you!
Stopping by from Sits! happy Saturday!
It could be worse...maybe you're pregnant! hee hee!
Happy SITS Saturday Share fest!
Well, if you are starting menopause, at least you can look forward soon to the end of monthly cramps!
The hot flashes drive me crazy!
Hi there, just stopping by from SITS- I have always hoped that by the time I hit it, there will be a way to get rid of it! ;) haha (maybe a pill that makes all of the symptoms disappear?) :) I hope things get better!
hey there...I am without words...for 1, you are going through some of the most mindblowing hormonal surges ever and i think I owe you an award or something....2 my mom scared the begeezus out me when she went through menopause and tried to trick me after my 3rd child turned 2 (as I was having hot flashes too) she said, hunny, it's just menopause! WTF! ok, it wasnt, and I dont think Im ready for it..
I guess the best thing I can say to you is, have a few drinks and hold on tight....and god knows you will be alright!
all the best, just found your blog from SITS and will be following!
Danon
www.insatiablehost.blogspot.com
www.pantypyramid.blogspot.com
hey there...I am without words...for 1, you are going through some of the most mindblowing hormonal surges ever and i think I owe you an award or something....2 my mom scared the begeezus out me when she went through menopause and tried to trick me after my 3rd child turned 2 (as I was having hot flashes too) she said, hunny, it's just menopause! WTF! ok, it wasnt, and I dont think Im ready for it..
I guess the best thing I can say to you is, have a few drinks and hold on tight....and god knows you will be alright!
all the best, just found your blog from SITS and will be following!
Danon
www.insatiablehost.blogspot.com
www.pantypyramid.blogspot.com
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